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The critical factor in fusion is perception. If, as is often said, perception is reality, then fusion comes about by the perception of a reality in which the self is not at all threatened. And, the question then must arise, what is the self that it can, or cannot, itself, be threatened. It is the asking, and answering,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], of this question which makes fusion a more advanced, more evolved, response to a perceived threat or attack. It requires an understanding of self as a conception, a fabrication, a mental construct, with not substantial foundation. The self is built up entirely through interactions and has no independent status it can call its own. And, that which has no independent status, that which requires interaction and relationship for its very basis, cannot be threatened or attacked, no more than interaction and relationship in general can be destroyed. Granted, this is a somewhat philosophical, metaphysical and, perhaps even spiritual, orientation. But, then so is fusion as a response to a perceived threat or attack. And, how does one apply this response? Poets and mystics have expressed the idea often.....though simplicity itself, perhaps the most difficult to achieve...the being at one with the situation, the merging of the individual with the whole, the surrender of the self to the universal.....the fusion of the I into the We.
The fight or flight response can happen quickly. But,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there is another initial and very immediate response which is a precursor to the fight or flight response and that is the freeze response. At the very instant of a perceived threat or attack,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there is a moment, or sometimes longer,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in which we are frozen; in a mild and temporary state of shock. Like the proverbial deer in the headlights,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we are immobilized. It is only after that initial freezing of thought and action that we then take up the fight or flight response. It is during the transition from this momentary freezing to the fight or flight response that we decide which course of action to take, either to fight back,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in any number of ways, overtly or covertly, or to escape, to run, to flee, to take flight. During that ever so brief moment of decision making, a tremendous amount of calculation takes place. A complex set of equations and cost benefit analysis takes place determining which course of action would yield the most useful and productive result given the resources and capacities available at the time.
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Fight or flight is a rather primitive response to a perceived threat or attack. Its effectiveness, however, cannot be argued since that very response has served to perpetuate the species through all kinds of dangers through the ages. There is another, more advanced, more evolved,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], response to a perceived, or actual, threat or attack,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], called Fusion. Fusion is actually the de-fusing of a threat or an attack by joining forces with it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], by united with it, by fusing with it. One of the key ingredients in a perceived threat or attack is opposing forces. There must be an attacker and a victim, a hunter and prey. But, what if the victim vanishes, or the prey becomes invisible? What if the bully all of a sudden finds there is nobody there? This becomes kin to the Zen koan 'what is the hand of one hand clapping?' If there could be a way of eliminating this perceived sense of opposition, of duality, of conflict, then any sense of threat or attack would evaporate like ice turning into steam and merging with atmosphere.
This is not to say that you, or anybody, must respond to a perceived threat or attack in this lofty way. However, it is nice to know that after the moment(s) of freezing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there is a choice beyond fighting or flighting.
By Ken Fields, MA, NCC, LMHC
See all Articles by Ken FieldsSee Ken Fields's Expert PageGet Updates on AnxietyGet Updates on Ken Fields Average: 5 Your rating: None Average: 5 (1 vote) Tweet
For eons, the human organism has been honed and perfected to respond effectively and appropriately to any perceived sense of threat or attack. In modern language,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this effective and appropriate response is called the 'fight or flight response.' In lay terms, this means that when we feel threatened or attacked, our first line of defense is generally to either fight back, or run. We have likely experienced this at some time in our lives. Our fight response, however, may be hampered by the conditioning of our upbringing and our society. Having been taught that fighting is wrong, we may get frustrated, angry or irritable. We may fight in subtle ways such as passive aggressive behaviors or in not so subtle ways by throwing out language meant to hurt and harm the other person. We can become full of stress and anxiety which is then expressed outwardly to others in a fight-like pattern of behavior. There can be many ways to fight back. The flight response is often more common, safer, and many times considered the wiser. When a child is bullied in school, prevailing wisdom suggests the child leave, which is, essentially, the flight response.
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Author's Bio:
9. Plan ahead. Give yourself plenty of time to run errands, wrap and mail gifts, and prepare food. Otherwise you can end up feeling like you are a day late and a dollar short.
No matter what your circumstances are, the holidays need not be a pressure cooker. Here are 15 ways to help you get through them with your psyche intact.
15. Practice EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or use some other stress management technique to neutralize emotionally charged situations that can ruin your holidays.
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4. Stick to a budget and enforce your spending limits. If not, you’ll be stressed for the rest of the year trying to pay off your bills. Gifts need not be expensive to be personal and meaningful.
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7. Ask guests to contribute food for holiday parties. There is no reason for you to do all the cooking when most people are happy with a potluck.
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By Renee L Richardson
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Article: Written By Renee L Richardson
Childhood
Unhealthy Sharing
I can remember developing feelings of anxiety whenever not allowed to overly nurture my spouse. I would experience rapid heartbeat, racing thoughts, and loss of appetite. I felt “locked” out of his life. I think that as people pleasers, we tend to use these behaviors as windows into the emotional lives of others in that we can use these powers to gain a sense of control over the people of which we share relationships. If we are able to get close enough to others via overly nurturing, we seem to think that such will secure our place and love within their hearts. (E.g. If I give him/her everything that they may want,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they will treat me nicely, accept me regardless etc.). The people pleaser’s nurturance comes with a big price.
Sharing Within an Intimate Relationship: How much is too much?
People Pleasing/Addiction
Is sharing a healthy component of intimacy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Sharing with partners could be viewed as a healthy aspect of which could build a stronger bond. For instance, spontaneously covering the tab while on a dinner date can be a great way for a woman to show her independence; while such could also be viewed as sexy. A reciprocal exchange of paying for fun is definitely a healthy component within a relationship. However, if one partner expects for the other to cover the majority of financial responsibilities within the relationship,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], something has definitely gone wrong.
As children,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we are groomed into being “people pleasers” as we work extremely hard to get that smile on our caregivers’ faces. We race home with our good report cards and depending on the response of our caregivers, we determine that response as positive or negative. If we receive positive reinforcement from caregivers, we continue to exempt the behaviors of which elicited the positive response. In contrast,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], if we receive negative feedback,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we then climb aboard the ole people pleaser’s surfing board thereby riding the waves until we receive positive feedback from those around us. Where is the ill behavior in wanting to please our loved ones? If you are trying to please someone despite your own happiness such can be a problem.
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When we fall in love, we are ecstatic over our newly found love. It seems as though all senses and usage of boundaries are set aside in the attempt to not appear as uncaring,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], selfish,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hard-hearted beings. We become preoccupied with our looking good for the brand new love of our life thereby forgetting about protecting ourselves. Why on earth would we need to remember to keep in the forefronts of our minds the possible hurt, deceit, and manipulations of which can be inflicted upon us when blinded by LOVE? So, instead of bearing in mind the many times of which we may have concluded dissatisfied with this “thing” called love, we convince ourselves into wiping the slate of past pain clean in the hopes of sustaining adequate intimacy this go around.
Have you ever felt as if you were being railroaded and you are unable to pinpoint how, where and when it began? I can remember being within intimate relationships where my partner felt as since of entitlement to my financial funds. For the life of me, I was unable to distinguish why I felt a sense of obligation to supplying his wants. I became extremely agitated with myself whenever I had to pull out my wallet; such caused a decline in my mood while we were out and the entire date would be ruined.
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For the residents who wish to be kept abreast of community news the town operates a website called Chessingtonlive and also publishes two newspapers the Kingston Guardian and the Surrey Comet.
In 1348 the mansion,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], now known as the Burnt Stub, was built. It takes its name from the civil war times,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when as a stronghold of the royalists it was demolished by the parliamentary forces of Oliver Cromwell. Then up until the eighteenth century the site was used as an inn. In the eighteenth century the Vere Barker family built the neo-gothic Victorian mansion which still stands today. In 1931 the grounds were turned into a zoo before becoming part of the Tussauds group in 1978 and Chessington World of Adventures theme park being opened. Chessington World of Adventures is now one of the main employers in the town. The mansion today is still in use as the haunted house Hocus Pocus Hall.
During World War II the RAF Chessington Hospital became the regional barrage balloon depot. RAF Balloon Command moved in and the hospital became a vital part of the nation's defence against Luftwaffe bombers. With extensive garages, large numbers of barrage balloon hangers and workshops to support the stations vehicles in the 1990s the hospital was finally demolished.
In Hook Road a Blue Plaque at number 207 commemorates the four years that author Enid Blyton, famous for characters such as the Secret Seven,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Noddy and the Famous Five, lived in the town. Other famous residents include Petula Clark (singer from the 1960s),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Helen Chamberlain (TV presenter) and George Cohen (member of the 1966 England World Cup-winning team).
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With 5 churches and 2 secondary schools in the town,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Chessington is an excellent location for families. For the sporting residents the town boasts several sporting organizations including Chessington and Hook Untied F.C. and Kingston R.F.C.. Chessington Community College is co-located with Chessington Sports Centre. The sports centre is home to many local sports clubs such as Chessington Badminton Club,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], The Kingston Wildcats, Genesis Gymnastics Club to name but a few. The Sports Centre has a sports hall, fitness suite and a climbing walled called Chessington Rocks.
By David Fisher
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I know, because this year the university entrance exam questions is difficult, results are not up to the usual standard, seriously affecting the daughter's self-confidence. She's under a lot of pressure, just don't say it.

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Exercise #2 The Plank
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